Sunday, October 17, 2010

What do you do when you don't know who you are?

Ok. When nothing makes sense and you ask who are you what is your answer? Well, if you are an absorbent personality you won't know who you are. By absorbent personality I mean you act like other people think you should act. You even take on an accent of the people around you or their focus.

So if you don't know who you are you need to find out. How to find out? Very good question.

By Unnamed photographer in employ of National Photo Company [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

If you overthink you could write a book. But what if you really don't know. Then you need to ask critical questions. What kind of critical questions? Where do you start?

Who? That could be descriptive. It could be many things. But who is defining the questions? One could be influenced  by surroundings. So again, your absorbent personality could throw you off. It is like defining a grain of sand thrown about by waves.

One could ask what one wants to be.  No. There is no answer. When one is nebulous there is no who. One could define oneself by one's perimeters. How many children? How long married? Am I not more than these perimeters? Does anyone know who they are? Should the question even be asked?

If life is a a state of being who am I being? Being what others say I am? But if one is absorbent then is it not others who define me? When do I get to be me? If I have never allowed myself to express myself, then am I even able to be defined?

Too many questions. Problem solved. I cannot define myself. Is this just another evasion of knowing who I am? Complex. It would be easy to say I am so and so's daughter, wife, mother... Do I have to know who I am? Why am I asking the question? The world loves labels. Do I need a label? Labels stop thinking. Do I want to stop thinking?

Am I addicted to thinking? Answers don't come late at night. I think I will climb into my music box and unwind my gears there. I'll hold on tight to the cat whiskers. Maybe by observing the animals I can make some sense. No matter how much order I put in my life. The order gives no structure only a more fragmented illusion of someone others think I am. When do I get to be me? Maybe there is no me. Scary. That I am nothing but a mirror. Is life just a series of mirrors? That is sad. Time to stop thinking. If one is trapped by glass how does one ever escape?

Escape to what? Don't want to face that. If all is glass where is . .  .  .   .    .  me?

If you have found who you are describe the process how you got there in the comments.  And share if you care to. Learning is difficult when not shared.

Click here for Elise on Life who doesn't do labels AND quotes Eckhart Tolle.

If you don't do links here's the quote: 

Eckhart Tolle says, “Give up defining yourself – to yourself or to others. You won’t die.You will come to life. And don’t be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it’s their problem.  You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.”

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