Circles of Shame and Guilt from Self-Talk

  

In the five white circles fill in the name of the shame that characterizes what you feel most ashamed of. Examples might be Body Image, Judger, Anxious, Avoider, People-Pleaser, Loner, Pretender, Procrastinator, Reactor, Perfectionistic, Passive Aggressive, ...

In the blue areas write the words you tell yourself (self-talk) on the characterization you wrote in the white circle. For example for Body Image you might write, I am 40 pounds overweight, for Judger you might write, I never get it right...

Image from AnonMoos, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

Shame is learned

Deconstruct shame. Shame is learned in childhood when we lose connection with others and ourselves. Gabor Mate says such loss is perceived as our fault.

Shame manifests itself as critical self-talk. This criticism creates maladaptive strategies like substance use, eating disorders, other unsafe behaviors, or mental health issues like depression.

Shame is a feeling of unworthiness. How can you feel worthy? 

Learn to separate yourself from the feeling. Identify the origins of shame. Notice your shame as if it were a separate entity--something outside yourself. 

Ask yourself how this feeling of shame is protecting you. What would happen if shame didn't do its protective role? You can deconstruct shame by moving into the suffering you feel when you experience shame.

Approach shame. 

Move out of the trance of unworthiness. 

Believe in the healing power within you. 

Cultivate self-compassion.

 

Anthony Easton/flickr: PinkMoose, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Here's a beneficial link to advice by Jason Wu:

Why countering shame can help build a healthy sense of self