Forgiveness. Before we can forgive others, we must forgive ourselves

Forgiveness involves giving away the negative energy that is binding and haunting us. We are no longer distracted by this negative energy. The unfinished business of trauma has to be let go of. Negatives feed it. 

Before we can forgive others, we must first forgive ourselves. Self-forgiveness takes courage to comfort the friend within us--that wounded Inner Child we hide and bury deeply within. Reflecting on how we hold onto guilt helps us learn from our mistakes and take responsibility for ourselves. This self-awareness brings self-acceptance and then self-support can emerge. Self-support lets go of past distractions. 

Self-support lets us Move On to Releasing Resentment. 

When We Release these Negative Emotions We make more Positive Choices and 

Dare to take Action.

We develop a Growth Mindset.

A Mindset that is Giving, has Grace, Gratitude, and Courage.

JamesInOregon, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Click here for Self-Forgiveness Worksheet from Positive Psychology

Does Distraction Protect You? Or Create a Cycle of Avoidance?

Distractions protect by shutting down awareness. It quiets the realities of your life--your desire for perfectionism, or obsessive habits like overeating, and overworking, but also shuts down self-care. It creates anxiety and gives more power to the self-critic since we all worry over time lost to distractions. 

When we distract ourselves with numbing activities we may protect our psyche temporarily. Still, we chip away at the ability to take care of ourselves--to NOTICE where we need to care for ourselves and boost our self-esteem. Self-care activities like journaling, meditating, learning new things, and exploring our capacities to learn by playing, are avoided.

Distraction is avoidance. 

Avoidance numbs self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-support which shuts down basic feelings.

 Distraction stops you from living your life. 

Be an observer. Notice what the true cost of distraction is.

Rennett Stowe from USA, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Here's an interesting link from Harvard Business Review:

Are You Stuck in the Anxiety-Distraction Feedback Loop?

Shame is learned

Deconstruct shame. Shame is learned in childhood when we lose connection with others and ourselves. Gabor Mate says such loss is perceived as our fault.

Shame manifests itself as critical self-talk. This criticism creates maladaptive strategies like substance use, eating disorders, other unsafe behaviors, or mental health issues like depression.

Shame is a feeling of unworthiness. How can you feel worthy? 

Learn to separate yourself from the feeling. Identify the origins of shame. Notice your shame as if it were a separate entity--something outside yourself. 

Ask yourself how this feeling of shame is protecting you. What would happen if shame didn't do its protective role? You can deconstruct shame by moving into the suffering you feel when you experience shame.

Approach shame. 

Move out of the trance of unworthiness. 

Believe in the healing power within you. 

Cultivate self-compassion.

 

Anthony Easton/flickr: PinkMoose, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Here's a beneficial link to advice by Jason Wu:

Why countering shame can help build a healthy sense of self