Circles of Shame and Guilt from Self-Talk

  

In the five white circles fill in the name of the shame that characterizes what you feel most ashamed of. Examples might be Body Image, Judger, Anxious, Avoider, People-Pleaser, Loner, Pretender, Procrastinator, Reactor, Perfectionistic, Passive Aggressive, ...

In the blue areas write the words you tell yourself (self-talk) on the characterization you wrote in the white circle. For example for Body Image you might write, I am 40 pounds overweight, for Judger you might write, I never get it right...

Image from AnonMoos, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

Is Your Daily Life Balanced?

 Balance Your Daily Life by ...

Scheduling time each day to practice SELF-CARE

Finding positive strategies to MANAGE stress and anxiety

CONNECTING with social and emotional supports often

Practicing SELF-COMPASSION

Staying PRESENT-FOCUSED

WHAT'S YOUR EQUILIBRIUM TORQUE?

Does F1 balance out F2?

Image from 

MikeRun, CC BY-SA 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Forgiveness. Before we can forgive others, we must forgive ourselves

Forgiveness involves giving away the negative energy that is binding and haunting us. We are no longer distracted by this negative energy. The unfinished business of trauma has to be let go of. Negatives feed it. 

Before we can forgive others, we must first forgive ourselves. Self-forgiveness takes courage to comfort the friend within us--that wounded Inner Child we hide and bury deeply within. Reflecting on how we hold onto guilt helps us learn from our mistakes and take responsibility for ourselves. This self-awareness brings self-acceptance and then self-support can emerge. Self-support lets go of past distractions. 

Self-support lets us Move On to Releasing Resentment. 

When We Release these Negative Emotions We make more Positive Choices and 

Dare to take Action.

We develop a Growth Mindset.

A Mindset that is Giving, has Grace, Gratitude, and Courage.

JamesInOregon, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Click here for Self-Forgiveness Worksheet from Positive Psychology

Does Distraction Protect You? Or Create a Cycle of Avoidance?

Distractions protect by shutting down awareness. It quiets the realities of your life--your desire for perfectionism, or obsessive habits like overeating, and overworking, but also shuts down self-care. It creates anxiety and gives more power to the self-critic since we all worry over time lost to distractions. 

When we distract ourselves with numbing activities we may protect our psyche temporarily. Still, we chip away at the ability to take care of ourselves--to NOTICE where we need to care for ourselves and boost our self-esteem. Self-care activities like journaling, meditating, learning new things, and exploring our capacities to learn by playing, are avoided.

Distraction is avoidance. 

Avoidance numbs self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-support which shuts down basic feelings.

 Distraction stops you from living your life. 

Be an observer. Notice what the true cost of distraction is.

Rennett Stowe from USA, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Here's an interesting link from Harvard Business Review:

Are You Stuck in the Anxiety-Distraction Feedback Loop?

Shame is learned

Deconstruct shame. Shame is learned in childhood when we lose connection with others and ourselves. Gabor Mate says such loss is perceived as our fault.

Shame manifests itself as critical self-talk. This criticism creates maladaptive strategies like substance use, eating disorders, other unsafe behaviors, or mental health issues like depression.

Shame is a feeling of unworthiness. How can you feel worthy? 

Learn to separate yourself from the feeling. Identify the origins of shame. Notice your shame as if it were a separate entity--something outside yourself. 

Ask yourself how this feeling of shame is protecting you. What would happen if shame didn't do its protective role? You can deconstruct shame by moving into the suffering you feel when you experience shame.

Approach shame. 

Move out of the trance of unworthiness. 

Believe in the healing power within you. 

Cultivate self-compassion.

 

Anthony Easton/flickr: PinkMoose, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Here's a beneficial link to advice by Jason Wu:

Why countering shame can help build a healthy sense of self

Living in Fear Can be Addictive

 

We can be driven by fear. In childhood, we may have learned to wait for the next blow. 

The blows didn't have to be physical. They could be emotional or even from neglect. 

We became fear-based adults.  Our fixation on these fears created cycles of inaction. 

HOW DO YOU STOP ADDICTIVE FEAR CYCLES?

You choose to act. Viktor Frankl described when to act:

Victor Bezrukov, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Between stimulus and response there is a space.

In that space is our power to choose our response.

In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

EMOTIONAL SOBRIETY is Self-ACCEPTANCE, Self-AWARENESS, and Self-SUPPORT.

If you are emotionally sober, you do not depend on others for your self-esteem. You do not have unreasonable expectations of others.

 

You are AWARE of your emotions. You ACCEPT your emotions. You SUPPORT your emotional health by not looking outside yourself for your worth.

You have no need to manipulate others because you know who you are regardless of what others say or do during troubles

. 

DO YOU HAVE EMOTIONAL SOBRIETY? 

Original image: jura-photography, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons

See Bill W's Grapevine article on The New Frontier: Emotional Sobriety

https://aainthedesert.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/EMOTIONAL-SOBRIETY.pdf